to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize