I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
