ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
