Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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