i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As shirtless as possible
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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