I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
