great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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