you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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