Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.