He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today