Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Soap is not a condiment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.