Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch