I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.