i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
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Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?