i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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