I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
