and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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