best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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