He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
