You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
