It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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