He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
