Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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