Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
