Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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