I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
