I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
