it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
