i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
