End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
