Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
