I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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