How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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