where am i from again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
