i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
