In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
