White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
