From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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