I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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