The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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