Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
