the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
