Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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