That's intense
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
