Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
