i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
