You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
