She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
