Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
