well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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