I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
two words: eviction party
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
