This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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