Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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