Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
