Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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