i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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