What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you would pick up someone in the library
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
