I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
