I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
