I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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