Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
