if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
