Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think people are normalizing furries
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
