So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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