so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
